Let me tell you about a little something called Sports Day

Sports Day. Sounds innocuous enough. The idea is simple. You assemble an entire school of children, take them out to the track, and get them to run around all day, competing in a wide variety of unusual events. Now, for the most part, this consists of relatively tame and universal competitions, like foot races. Nothing to be said about that. But there were some other, more unusual highlights to the day's festivities.
In between the school hula dance, which everyone, I mean everyone, participated in, and the team cheers, which looked like a dance from a Charlie Brown Christmas hopped up on amphetamines, you know the one, where Linus just turns back and forth and bobs his head (imagine that, but times sixty, with shouting), there was one event in particular that stood out.
It begins innocently enough. The different athletic clubs from the school assemble, and they march around that track. The tennis team has its rackets, the baseball team has its ball and bats, the kendo team its wooden swords. Nothing strange about that, just showing a little spirit. So, when they've all made their way around, each club splits up, and lines up around the track, spread out at intervals. One person from each team lines up at the starting line. At this point I'm a little confused. What happens next makes it much worse.
Someone fires the starting gun, and the clubs begin a relay race. But this is no ordinary footrace. The kendo kids are running around the course in their heavy armor, swinging their swords over their heads, yelling, "Hai!" with every stroke. The tennis team is trying to make it around the track as fast as they can while bouncing tennis balls on their rackets. The ping pong team has no chance, trying to bounce the ping pong balls while running just sends them flying everywhere and those suckers are constantly running them down. The volleyball team doesn't seem to have much trouble, just setting the ball to themselves. The baseball players have it easiest, they just have to run while carrying first base.
But wait, my story gets better. The second lap is the pairs lap. Now the kendo kids are literally beating at each other, in pairs around the racetrack. And they aren't taking it easy. More than once I saw a kid get floored by his supposed teammate. I guess that's why they kept the armor on. The tennis team has it easier, they just have to volley back and forth all the way around. It's basically impossible, but at least it doesn't cause bruising. The ping pong team is disqualified. Trying to rally back and forth around the track, without benefit of a table, just means they lost all their balls. The volleyball team and the baseball team are the only ones in competition, but the baseball team wins. It's easier to throw the baseball back and forth and keep moving than it is to set and bump it back and forth, I guess.
That might have been the strangest thing I saw that day, or in all my days. I'd never have believed it, but it's true, every word.