A word about chopsticks

Now, obviously, any sensible person can tell you that two little wooden sticks are not the cutting edge (see what I did there?) of dining technology. They are insufficient for the tasks of eating soups, or of cutting anything, much less stabbing tiny individual peas. The peas just end up squashed. So, to combat this inefficiency, the Japanese have taken to approximating the table manners of a wild dog. It is not uncommon to see someone pick a bowl of rice, put the edge of it directly on his lips, and literally shovel food, like some sort of two-sticked backhoe, directly down his throat. A person might also pick up a bowl of soup and simply slurp it directly, without the intervention of any hand-held eating apparatus. This, of course, is accompanied by a constant slurp, which is considered the polite way to enjoy everything from soups to noodles. This audible courtesy, while admirable, given the trend towards decadence in this modern world, gives the strong impression, when sitting amongst a group of Japanese diners, of a dozen janitors unclogging a dozen toilets with a dozen old plungers. Amongst them, even I seem to be a bastion of civilized eating behavior, holding strong against the slurpy, stick-waving hordes. But, amongst all this strange behavior, I have noticed one more thing missing from the Japanese table setting: napkins. The Japanese, apparently, and I have yet to witness it, do not spill food. Ever. For eating like wild dogs, they are very clean and fastidious wild dogs, the kind who would wipe their paws on the mat before coming into the house. This lack has been a source of some consternation for me, since, being a little less than completely adept with chopsticks, I have a tendency to drop, spill, and spray, especially with noodles. And when, in those rare circumstance when someone does knock over a glass or something, the manner of remedy is neither a dishrag, nor a paper towel, but your common tissue. Needless to say, lacking adequate quilting, I find these measures sorely ineffective.